||Leets are the most loved
critter in the whole of Rubi-Ka and its hard to
resist their childish charm, so naturally, we
sent Twicer out to do some research about them
but he found himself in way over his head when
encountering the small town of Leetville..
Leetville is story series, describing the ongoing
adventures of Twicer as he discovers the wondrous
world of Leetville! Special thanks to numerous
leets and adventurers as well as Nepentheia. No
leets were harmed in this production - Twicer,
on the other hand...
Twicer followed Skittle down a dwindling path
that led down to a wall. It seemed to be made
out of bamboo and it stretched between two large
boulders that effectively blocked off whatever
was inside. It had a small sign nailed next
to the door. Twicer had to lean down to read
it. Then he had to lean down to read it again
just in case he had gotten it wrong the first
"This is where we train attack squadron!"
Skittle said as they walked through the door
in the wall and pointed to a grassy patch full
of leets in formation. Twicer remembered the
small sign outside.
"Attack Squadron! We call'em Deadly Leet
Kamikaze Squadron of Ninjakiller Leet Force"
Skittle beamed, his little heart obviously swelling
with leety pride. "Leet-Fu, dewd! Powerful
stuff!" he added.
"... that's sort of a stupid name."
Twicer crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow
behind his visor. The leet scratched itself
behind the ear and stomped its furry little
legs on the ground firmly, burred up and said
the one thing leets do when they have run out
of witty repartees.
"Stfu" and bit Twicer's big toe.
"Argh! I mean, yes! Nice name! Wonderful!"
"Hehe!" sniggered Skittle. Twicer
grunted while massaging his foot with one hand
and watching the leets in their white bandanas
with the ancient Yin and Yang sign. One leet
in the small troop had its bandana accidentally
slid down over his eyes, making quite the ruckus
amongst its comrades trying to mimic the dojo
master's moves while involuntarily blindfolded
and as the heartchilling screams of "Banzai"
and "Hoot" ebbed out, the blinded
leet had toppled over three of his ninjatrainee
classmate leets and managed to charge into a
nearby bamboowall, knocking itself out in the
"It would explain the bandanas too."
"Yes. Bananas are nice!"
"No.. bandanas - you know, the.."
"Yes, that's what Skittle said! Bruce trains
them, you know." Skittle said sneering
a bit and as an afterthought corrected himself
in case the stupid human would misunderstood
that as well. "Not the bananas that is,
the Deadly Leet Kamikaze Squadron of Ninjakiller
Leet Force is what he trains. Bruce does it.
He's the one over there."
"No, I'm Skittle, he's Bruce, over there!
Stupid human!" Skittle pointed with his
nose towards the ninjaleet dojo master, standing
in Snake and Crane kungfu position, quite an
achievement for a leet. Twicer had to admit
he was impressed although something on the edge
of his mind nudged him carefully and then settled
in between two neurons and realization dawned
"Wait.. Bruce Leet?"
"But no.. wait, like.. He's actually called
"OW! My toe! Will you stop doing that!"
Twicer's toe was beginning to hurt quite a lot.
"Hehe. Pwned. Now we talk to Bruce!"
"Hey Bruce!" Skittle squealed at the
top of his voice and for a moment the concentration
of Bruce the leet was broken and while getting
into Snake and Crane position for a leet was
obviously possible with some strain, getting
out seemed like a whole other business. Bruce
fell to the floor, rolled towards Twicer and
Skittle and darted up to a standing position
so fast it looked like he had performed a reverse
"Bruce meant to do that!" he stated,
glaring at Skittle.
"So cool! Drunken boxing?" Skittle
"Err.. Yes! Drunken leet boxing!"
Bruce said and and then looked at Twicer.
"Wow!" he said with eyes wide open.
"Yes!" Skittle twirped happily.
"That is.. The biggest..." Bruce said
and Skittle nodded happily, smiling.
Skittle nodded some more and snickered leetily.
"...Rollerrat Bruce has EEEVER seen!"
Nod no-- shake shake shake.
"No! Not rollerrat! Its human! Skittle
found him and now it belongs to Skittle! Finder's
keeper's!" Skittle huffed and prodded Bruce
with his nose.
"Eh. Hello, Bruce." Said Twicer who
thought that he should say something.
"Wow! It can talk too! How cool is that!?"
Bruce said and got a sinister look on his face.
"..But.. Can it fight?"
Twicer was not sure what happened. One second
Bruce stood on the floor at his toes. The next,
Twicer had a face full of kamikaze ninjakiller
leet by the name of Bruce. He tried slapping
Bruce away but Bruce had crawled up on Twicer's
bald head and Twicer only managed to slap himself
in the face much to the amusement of Master
Bruce, who was now stomping him on the head.
"Whootan! Kiai! Yalmaha! A-hah-hah! Bruce
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Twicer leaned forwards,
trying to shake Bruce off his head, which only
led to Bruce scampering down Twicer's neck and
seemed intent on continuing down into his shirt.
Twicer found himself fighting the quickest little
leet he'd ever gone up against and to his horror
he was apparently losing.
"Too slow! Too slow!" Bruce bridled
as Twicer's hands fumbled on his neck after
the leet. "Bruce will now demonstrate the
sleephold of Wu-Tang Clan!" Bruce placed
his little feet on the center of Twicer's neck
and Twicer looked at Skittle who was eyeing
the ceiling and humming trying to look innocent.
The sleephold probably would've worked too,
if it wasn't for the simple fact that the anatomy
of a leet was completely different from that
of the would-be rollerrat that was Twicer.
"May your ears flap in the wind!"
cried Master Bruce as the confused Twicer finally
managed to shake the leet off himself. Bruce
rolled on the ground and rose up facing the
wrong direction but spun around quickly to face
the nanomage instead. Behind him, the dojo class
were watching the fight. One enterprising leet
seemed to be taking bets and Twicer found himself
wondering what his odds were.
"So! Know how to fight eh?" said Master
Bruce. "Ok, ok. No more fighting, ratface!"
Bruce said and backed up an inch. Twicer relaxed
and let out a heavy sigh and then Master Bruce
tackled him in the stomach with a tackle a virulent
minibull would've been proud of and fell backwards
to the ground with a thud.
"Bruce cant BELIEVE you fell for that one!
How stupid you get! Oldest trick in book! A-hah-hah!"
Bruce pummeled Twicer's torso with his paws,
jumping up and down, frantically stomping Twicer's
stomach, which had no effect whatsoever - it
was like being hit repeatedly with a small fluffy
pillow. Bruce however was convinced he was winning
and kept bouncing up and down while Twicer watched.
"By the power of Bruce, do you yield?!"
bellowed Master Bruce.
"I give up! I give up!" Twicer said,
who had no real will to fight the leet. It was
like being attacked by a berserk sheep, only
smaller. Master Bruce padded onto Twicer's chest
and raised his head high.
"Adriiiaaaaaaaaan!" he bellowed at
the top of his lungs and then bounced off of
Twicer and onto the floor. The ninjaleet class
and Skittle were cheering him on and Twicer
could see the mad gleam of insane pride in Master
Bruce's eyes and couldn't help but smile.
"What a fun rollerrat!" Bruce chirped
"Not rollerrat but fun!" Skittle agreed
as Twicer got to his knees.
"Good to see you again, Skittle" Bruce
smiled and nuzzled Skittle on the nose and Skittle
cheeped happily while padding his feet on the
"Good to see you again, Bruce!" Skittle
beamed and turned to Twicer. "Is Izzy home?
Skittle show stupid human around Leetville!"
"I think so" pondered Bruce. "Be
sure to wear helmet! He been doing weird stuff
again!" he added and turned to the class
and Skittle scuttled out from the dojo with Twicer
trailing him. Faint thuds and occasional squeals
of "Banzai" and "Kamasutra"
could be heard from the dojo as Bruce the Leet
had a go at his students, probably in an attempt
to relive his recent victory.
"Follow! Follow! We go to Izzy now!"
chirped Skittle as he followed the path back to
the crossroads with Twicer trailing along, inspecting
"... Do humans try to be stupid on purpose
or comes naturally for you? Maybe you deaf too?
Yes, Izzy! Short for Izleeter. He make all our
LeetTech!" Skittle said and whapped at Twicer's
foot with his tail.
"Ouch! What was that for?"
"You were going to ask another stupid question
about LeetTech! Hehe. Now come on, lets go!"
Last updated 19. December 2003