||Leets are the most loved
critter in the whole of Rubi-Ka and its hard to
resist their childish charm, so naturally, we
sent Twicer out to do some research about them
but he found himself in way over his head when
encountering the small town of Leetville..
Leetville is story series, describing the ongoing
adventures of Twicer as he discovers the wondrous
world of Leetville! Special thanks to numerous
leets and adventurers as well as Nepentheia. No
leets were harmed in this production - Twicer,
on the other hand...
Twicer ran after the small group of leets consisting
of Skittle, Izzy and the newly arrived unknown
leet with the spiked helmet. Twicer prided himself
being one of the finest runners, having run from
a wide selection of enemies, including Hecklers,
Horrors, Clans, Eremites and the odd chicken armed
with an automated bazooka - however, as his feet
skidded across the grass, the leets kept their
head-start advantage, their small feet paddling
against the ground frantically.
Twicer noticed that the path they were on seemed
to lead towards Bruce's Dojo, however, before
they reached the dojo the group took a sharp left
towards what seemed to be a large wooden gate.
He hadn't noticed it before, since it was tucked
away between a few trees and would've been very
hard to find unless you knew it was there. He
noticed other leets scuttling towards the same
direction as they were heading - others were rushing
into their huts. Twicer almost tripped over one
leet which ran into a nearby hut, closely followed
by a slam of the door and hammering sounds as
it spiked the door shut.
The group ran past a small group of pinetrees
and were surprised by a trenchcoat-wearing leet
that jumped out in the middle of the road. It
was pathetically big on the leet and looked more
like an overzealous attempt at a superhero impersonation
than anything else. The party skidded to a halt.
The sound of the wooden gate giving away grew
louder and Twicer could already hear the triumphant
squeal of the rollerrats outside as the leet grinned
"Pron!" the leet said and opened the
trenchcoat in a flashing manner, rotating its
hips. How it managed to open the trenchcoat without
any arms or hands was to Twicer a complete mystery
and one he did not look forward to examining in
detail. Izzy and Skittle looked at each other
and then at the attempted flasher.
"Not now! Rollerrat attack!" Izzy huffed
and continued down the path as quick as his little
feet could carry him. The gate was breached and
the all-too-familiar screeching sounds of one
rollerrat who had successfully penetrated the
defenses of Leetville were heard.
"Bloody hell!" said the leety flasher
and sprinted off.
Twicer ran up towards the leets, who had arranged
themselves in a square squadron formation, led
by Bruce. At the corner of an eye, Twicer could
see the tubby shape of Sumo coming down a hill,
trying desperately to slow down as the laws of
elementary physics and inertia took hold of his
body and shot him forwards.
"Outta the way! Incoming!" Sumo cried
as he closed his distance between himself and
the Ninjakiller Leet Squadron. They just managed
to leap aside as the body of Sumo half-rolled,
half-ran through them. The rollerrat who had just
broken the gate's defenses and flung the gate
wide open took one look at the oncoming onslaught
that was Sumo and tried to turn around to roll
out of the way but was not quick enough.
"..Sq.." it started and then Sumo tackled
the rollerrat with a thud. The rollerrat bounced
off of Sumo and was sent through the air through
the now wide open gate and would probably not
land for yet a couple of minutes. Sumo came to
a sudden stop, wobbled a bit and then slowly first
fell over and then asleep, exhausted from the
As the Ninjakiller Leetsquadron got up to their
feet and reassembled, Twicer could see a troop
of smaller leets with pompoms on their tails bounce
up and down and waved them in the air. A cheerleading
squad? Twicer shook his head to focus and then
peered out of the gate at the assembled horde
of rollerrats. In the lead were the matriarchs
closely followed by the queens and scourgers.
"What's the plan?" Twicer asked Skittle,
who was peeking out of the gate as well.
"Plan? Usually plan is we kick their butts!"
"Rollerrats have butts?"
".. Well, whatever they have, we kick it!"
Skittle dismissed the nanomage sharply and nodded
towards Bruce the leet. Bruce nodded back and
turned to his men.
"For the sake of all that is leety and just!"
he shouted. The leets looked to one another and
shuffled around hesitantly a little.
"What about for chocolate chip muffins?"
one of the leets screamed back and Bruce seemed
to think about this for a short while.
"Fine, fine! For the sake of all that is
leety and just - and chocolate chip muffins!"
"Bruce, Bruce, he's the leet! If he can't
do it, then.. Eh.. Lets run like heck?" The
cheerleading squad bounced up and down and waved
their pompoms in the air in unison. It wasn't
the best battlecry in the world but it worked
- and it was certainly better than Twicer's own
which more often than he'd like was 'Please don't
break my other arm!'. The squadron came to attention
and Bruce turned to face the charging rollerrats.
"Charge!" he cried out and the leets
paddled out to meet the rollerrats.
"Do something!" Skittle said and whapped
Twicer with his tail.
"Me? I thought you said Leets couldn't die!"
Twicer looked at the leets as they hit the rollerrats
charge dead on. Bruce had taken hold of the rollerrat
matriarch's ears and swung it around like a discus
thrower and released the matriarch along the ground.
It rolled back towards the larger group of rollerrats
and threw a multitude of them into the air as
the dizzy matriarch rolled right through them
like a bowlingball.
"STRIKE!" yelled Bruce, utterly delighted
with the perfect wipe out.
"Just do something, stupid!" Skittle
Twicer got down to one knee and aimed towards
the rollerrat horde. He could feel the nanite
energy surge through his body, starting from his
stomach and building, churning, exploding through
his arm and out the palm of his hand.
The blast scorched one of the charging rollerrats
and stopped it dead in its track, the nanites
engulfing it in white-hot fire. As the flames
licked the rollerrat and fizzled out, it fell
over to the side with smoke coming out of its
ears. Twicer could see Bruce in the middle of
a cluster of rollerrats apparently having the
time of his life to the cries of "Hah!",
"You call that a kick? Here, let me show
you..." and "Feel the powah!".
He had single-handedly taken down at least ten
rollerrats. Another flash of light penetrated
the rollerrats as Twicer fired off yet another
blast, toasting another of the rolling and screaming
Taken by surprise by the counterattack, the rollerrats
turned around and fled with Bruce and his Ninjakilling
Leetsquadron chasing after them. Twicer could
feel the stare of leets upon him and slowly turned
around, still with his arm stretched out towards
The cheerleading Leet troop had gone silent and
was staring at his outstretched arm as the dying
flicker of the nanites went out and the blue light
faded. Around his feet a group of leets had gathered
and were shifting their gaze from his face to
his hand and then back. Even Skittle was inspecting
"uhm.." Twicer started. Izzy pointed
with his tail towards Twicer's hand, as the mad
inventor's ego took control over the leety brain
that was Izleeter and..
"I invented that!" Izzy piped up at
the top of his voice as a good portion of misdirected
pride and sense of accomplishment filled the leet's
heart. The crowd looked at Twicer's hand and then
"Izzy Izzy Izzy!" they cheered and Twicer
picked up Skittle in the palm of one of his hands
and Izzy in the other and held them aloft to receive
the cheering. With a touch of luck, it would mean
he would keep his nose and toes later on by giving
them this moment of glory.
As the sounds of cheers and joyous screams subsided,
Izzy and Skittle turned to Twicer in his palms.
Skittle scratched himself behind his ears and
leaned his little head to the side.
"Maybe you not so stupid after all."
Skittle said and smiled.
"Yes he is." Izzy snickered and Twicer
"What about Bruce?" he asked as he put
the leets down to the ground and sat down, leaning
his back against a tree.
"Oh Bruce, don't worry about him. Bruce out
kicking butts still!" Skittle chirped.
"Once Bruce came back with sixteen rollerrat
hides and a keg of chocolate milk in an annoying
beeping backpack and some blue-green helmet between
his fanglings! Bruce is weird." Izzy said
"Not like helmet fit anyway!" Skittle
said. Twicer rose to his feet and brushed off
grass from his clothes.
"Where to next?" he asked, and would
come to regret those words.
Last updated 19. December 2003