||Leets are the most loved
critter in the whole of Rubi-Ka and its hard to
resist their childish charm, so naturally, we
sent Twicer out to do some research about them
but he found himself in way over his head when
encountering the small town of Leetville..
Leetville is story series, describing the ongoing
adventures of Twicer as he discovers the wondrous
world of Leetville! Special thanks to numerous
leets and adventurers as well as Nepentheia. No
leets were harmed in this production - Twicer,
on the other hand...
"Follow!" Skittle demanded and Twicer
followed the scuttling leet down the pebbled pathway
leading past fields of what Skittle told him was
Leetnip. Twicer didn't have to guess two times
as to the effects of Leetnip, as he could see
a leet in the middle of a field trying to chase
its own tail, only to fall down giggling maniacally
and exhausted when it failed. One group of leets
drew his attention however, and found himself
As Twicer followed Skittle, he found himself pondering
about his situation and the leet way of life.
It sure seemed simple enough. Pron, food and the
odd rollerrat attack, but was there.. Could there
"Hey Skittle?" he asked.
"Say, I was thinking about this place. Seems
like you have a nice setup going here, but I haven't
seen any culture anywhere, don't leets have anything
"Culchur?" Skittle asked, still wobbling
"You know, art, drama! I mean, other than
pron..." Twicer said and Skittle shook his
"Skittle don't know what you talking about!"
the leet beamed happily.
"Drama..." Twicer started and tried
to explain it Skittle. Skittle listened attentively
and then whapped Twicer over the toe with his
"What do you mean 'to be or not to be'"
Skittle asked once Twicer was done with his explanation
of the arts.
"That is the question.." Twicer replied
"How stupid!" Skittle said and snickered.
"To be or not to be. Of course to be! What
a stupid human question! Trust humans to not know
if they are or not!" and then started waggling
off along the road, humming gently as his little
feet paddled on the road.
In a way it was bliss, and it was most likely
a good thing. Twicer was not certain he wanted
the leets of Leetville to dive into the arts -
knowing the leet mentality, the odds of someone
named Hamleet popping up sooner or later making
a play called Romeo and Juleet were overwhelming.
Twicer realized he had been lost in thought as
he had followed the leet. They had passed over
a hill and Skittle scuttled over to a tree and
motioned Twicer with his nose to follow. The hill
was overlooking a small lake, the evening stars
glittering in the surface as the night rolled
in over the skies.
"This is it!" Skittle declared and sat
himself down. Twicer sat down besides him and
looked over the waters.
Skittle looked at Twicer and rolled his eyes.
"Is it you or all humans state the obvious?
"Ah.. It's a.. nice lake?" Twicer ventured.
Skittle looked at the lake and sighed heavily.
"Not enough time, never is." the leet
"Not enough time?"
"No." Skittle said and maybe it was
just the stars reflection in the leets eye sparkling,
maybe it wasn't, but the leet looked very fragile
and appeared to shake a little.
"Skittle really try hard, so hard! But there
never enough time, humans so stupid, not care
about important things." Skittle said and
closed his eyes. "Always fighting, killing,
dying. Always do bad things, makes Skittle feel
Twicer wasn't sure what to say. He ran his hand
over the leets cheek and caressed it gently. A
single tear ran over his finger and Twicer could
feel a lump in his throat.
"Skittle sorry too." Skittle said. "Goodbye
human, Skittle will remember. Skittle always remember."
Twicer felt a thump on the back of his head which
reminded him a lot about the kind of thump he
got when Roxxor had applied a baseballbat to it
last time, which was not very surprising, since
that was exactly what had happened this time as
well. As Twicer, for the second time slumped to
the ground by the power of Roxxor, Skittle slowly
scuttled over and leaned down to Twicer's ear.
"Never enough time to explain how to be happy.
So hard." He said and nuzzled Twicer's cheek.
"But try to remember, silly human."
"Huh!" Twicer came to and raised his
head above the ground. What had happened? 'Get
up' his brain said, and on the second attempt
he succeeded to get himself up to his knees. His
head hurt, as did his nose for some peculiar reason.
He had been sent here to study leets, he could
remember that much. What had happened after that?
A rock on the ground was partially covered in
blood. Twicer was wondering why his brain wasn't
making sense and he tried to remember. There was
something about his camera, wasn't there? So hard
to think for some reason.
At least it wasn't as bad as the reclaim but it
still hurt. For a split second Twicer's mind was
filled with clouded images of a starry-eyed leet.
He fumbled around in the grass, then got up on
shaking legs and rubbed his head.
"Remember!" his mind screamed at him.
He brushed his armor off and walked away, heading
back towards civilization, unaware of the multitude
of eyes watching him from the bushes.
"Does he suspect?" Roxxor whispered.
"If Izzy make drugs properly, human forget
everything." Haxxor said and looked at Izleeter,
who didn't look back. He had given the instructions
to Sumo. It was in the hands of the leety gods
"If he remembers, others will come."
Roxxor said darkly.
"Leets always do fine. Humans never know
where to look. So stupid!" Izzy grumbled
and turned around and scuttled away, Roxxor and
Haxxor following the inventor, leaving a sole
leet in the bushes.
"Skittle remember you always." It said.
"Even if you stupid. Try to remember Skittle,
human. Try really hard." Skittle hung his
head and sobbed.
Just as he turned around to head back to the village,
something shone in the grass. Skittle dared himself
to inspect what it was and inched closer to the
spot where the stricken Twicer had woken up. In
the high grass lay Twicer's camera and beside
it a photograph which mostly seemed to consist
of the horrified look of Bucky's face. At the
bottom of the photograph there was a scribbling,
done hastily and even though the words were few,
Skittle knew it in his heart that the human wasn't
lost to him and that he would return with muffins
enough for everyone. It merely said,
Cast in order
Twicer - Himself
Twicer Stuntdouble - Oggyman
Skittle the Feral - Himself
Roxxor - Himself
Mojo The High Priest - Byrn
Bucky the Leet - Ellusion
Acoleet Guard - Bakaneko
Acoleet Guard - Hashbang
Nosey Acoleet - Jayde
Blind Banzai Leet - Engelen
Bruce Leet - Smuzz
Izleeter the Inventor - Dr.Snurre
Sumo - Thundera
Terri The Healeet - Ziana
Flashing Leet - XtremTech
Cheerleader - Seducera
Cheerleader - Marise
Cheerleader - Marisha
Cheerleader - Brutalthug
Cheerleader - Sinmara
Teh Invisible Monkey - Ipex
Rollerrat Matriarch - Marius
Rollerrat #3 - CZ
Cuddlegit the Taxation Officer
Sneek - Arre
Freek - Krystanova
Bob The Drummer - Lars Ulrich
Haxxor - Himself
- Smorg Bjorgensen
Production Assistant - Horg Smorgensen
Floor Manager - Jorg Jorgensson
Lighting Cameraman - Norg Horgensenson
Special Effects - Industrial Leet
Graphics - Funcom
Costume - Weta Workshop
Leet Groomer - Nepentheia
Executive Producer - Twicer
Directed by - Twicer
LeetTech is a trademark of Leet
Theme Song "Phear the Leeter"
produced and performed by
Available in Dolby Digital Surround
No leets were harmed in this production.
No. Seriously. We mean
it. No leets were harmed.
Last updated 12. January 2004